Five Guilty Pleasures

There's a "Life's Simple Pleasures" tag that's been going around. Hannah, my blog fried by proxy (via Allyson), has suggested a Guilty Pleasures tag. Always one for some good, clean guilty pleasures, I'd liked to volunteer for the initial post.

Five Guilty Pleasures
1. 80s music (also see #6 in the list of weird things about me.)

2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson's Creek, and Angel

3. Oh-so-many really-good-tasting, really-bad-for-you foods (which is a really great guilty pleasure, since you need to eat to live; it's like a bonus!) There's just not enough space to list them all.

3. Bottled water (the guilt comes in when you factor the cost)

4. Advice columns (like Since You Asked and Dear Prudence)

5. Playing hooky

And I'm tagging:
Hanna
Allyson
Jess (since you have no blog, you must post on mine)
David

Flamingo Caper, Part II

Better late than never, eh? So I set up the plastic pink flamingos in my front yard for April Fool's Day, artfully arranged for maximum impact. James would be home from work in about an hour. I took a few admiring photos and went to take a shower. As I was doing my hair, I had a bad feeling that something had gone wrong with the birds. I looked outside and discovered that the two closest to the road were missing. But one of them had left a single, metal stake leg behind. A birdnapping! And right here in suburbia!

These were borrowed birds. A woman I know at work knew another woman who happened to have 16 fake flamingos. She connected the two of us and the bird lady graciously leant me the pink beauties. And now two of her birds were gone! I dragged a dining room chair out into the garage and sat vigil over my front yard. I felt like Farmer Brown guarding his cornfield, minus the rifle.

James arrived home and we had a good laugh over the joke. Then I told him about the theft. He couldn't believe it. In the interim, I had called my mom about the caper. She suggested that I drive around the neighborhood to see if I could find the flamingos. I said, "Who would be stupid enough to steal them from my yard and put them in theirs? Especially with one missing a leg.

James and I put the birds back in their boxes and decided to go out to eat. As we approached a stop sign about five houses up from ours, I noticed some teenage boys playing hockey in their driveway. And next to them in their yard were the flamingos. "Those are my flamingos!" I shouted. "Stop the car!"

"What are you going to?" James asked.

"I'm going to take my birds back!"

The boys' father was standing in the yard. I struck a friendly yet guarded and decisive tone and said, "Hi. I'm missing two flamingos. And one of them," I paused dramatically, and pointed, "is missing a leg." (I stopped short of shouting 'A-ha!')

I marched up to the flamingos and swiftly uprooted them.

Boring dialogue ensued about how I had borrowed these birds and it was prank for my husband. The boys stayed silent, but one of them did point to another as if to say, "It was him!" The dad didn't have much useful to say. He said something about the boys must have been pulling a prank, etc.

As I was walking away he finally said that he was sorry. I got the feeling that he just didn't know what to do, or just didn't care. Maybe he should teach his kids not to steal. Keep in mind, I don't know these people. It's not like they're my neighbor-friends and we all had a good laugh and that was that. I wonder now what the kids planned to do with the stolen lawn ornaments. Display them in their yard for awhile and then bring them back? Keep them? Come back for the other leg? And didn't their father wonder where these random birds had come from in the first place? Or maybe Daddy was with the boys when they took them. I could wax on about the decline of society's ethics, but that would be boring.

In the end, all 16 flamingos returned safely to their owner. So -- and you had to see this coming -- no harm, no fowl.

The two in the upper right hand corner (hard to see) were stolen.

I've been tagged. Oh my.

Okay, my bro has tagged me. I'll play along. This time.

RULES:
Each player of this game starts with "six weird things/habits about yourself." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own six weird things/habits as well as state this rule clearly.

At the end you need to choose six people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" and tell them to read your blog.

1. Like others in my family, I must carry lip moisturizer with me at all times. It seems I've outgrown Chapstick. Burt's Bees Beeswax Lip Balm is my stick of choice.

2. When I was a little girl, I had to sleep with at least a sheet covering me, especially if I was sleeping on my stomach. Without the sheet, that monkey in the ceiling might stick a hypodermic needle in my butt.

3. A car once crashed into my kitchen, blowing the stove out of the wall and narrowly missing my mom.

4. I didn't have my first tooth cavity until I was 23. It required a root canal.

5. I will only drink chocolate milk if it's at least partially frozen.

6. I love 80s music. There's just nothing like a good power ballad.

I don't have time to tag anyone right now; I'm going to be late for a lunch date. And come to think of it, I don't think I have six friends who blog. Hmph.

Belated April Fools'

James and I have an ongoing debate/argument/joke about plastic pink flamingos.

He says they're tacky.

I say they're so tacky they're COOL.

So this April 2 (because he worked late on the 1st), I filled our yard with the lovely birds.

Two of the feathered friends were stolen, but recovered. More on that later. I'm going to bed.

One cannot simply begin calling a person a banana and expect to be understood.

You just have to laugh at some spam messages. They are little gems of broken English. They are evidence that translation software isn't as good as human translation. Some are poems. Here's one I got this morning.

Morning evit,

show ur significant other now and discontinue hearing nagging in the
bed. Don't be anymore about ur unit, I'm not. Come see what other are
saying.

do not agree with every guideline that the Bible sets out for them.
They have to decide how large.

a role religion is going to play in their lives. Holden says that he,
in some ways, is "an atheist" . single individual cannot create a language ? one
cannot simply begin calling a person a banana and expect to be understood.
here would Emerson be

Hope is was of some help
gorton

And here's one of my favorites. I liked it so much I printed it out and hung it by my desk:

Subject: Pampered and dissolvable tablets for literal
individuals

Our tablets are only like usual lozenges but they are specially explicated to be spoiled and dissolvable under the lingua. The lozenges is sorbed at the rima oris and gets in the blood instantly instead of progressing through the breadbasket. This effects in a quicker more vigorous effect which yet up to 44 hours!